I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
