i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
