I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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