so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
