Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
as a side note pls kill me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize