I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
