Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize