Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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