It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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