he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need a beard to bite.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
