So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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