i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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