Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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