I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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