i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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