The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
