Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
