Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
