I think I died a long time ago.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
