I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize