JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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