It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
