haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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