Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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