i jhust puked up my retainher.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
