and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
