I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize