you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
