OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
