Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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