you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
