I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
