hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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