Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
