8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
this boner is exhausting
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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