I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
