Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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