I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She's the barista slut.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
