I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
