So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize