Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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