well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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