I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
