idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
