why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
