I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
