I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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