No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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