I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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