please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
