you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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