At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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