if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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