I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
