please come you make the beer taste better
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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