doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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