there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
