We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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