Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
