i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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