Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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