Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
