i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
