Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
