Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
