You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
