Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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