So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
