with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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