i need an iv and a liver transplant
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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