She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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