Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's never too late to be topless.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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