Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
